I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Randomize
