im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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