her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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