I need help removing her.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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