She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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