its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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