Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
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