Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
