i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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