I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
