So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I'm drive I can fine osifer
im about as happy as oj after his trial
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
