Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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