What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
