Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
