oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
