kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
