Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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