Need sex. Gaining weight.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
