i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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