this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
He? As in you personified your dick?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
