Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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