It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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