Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
