why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize