New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
