Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
