I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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