I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
