my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
