I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
