I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I could fuck to npr.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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