oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Just pee around me
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
