if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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