It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
He's on the porch naked. Help.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
