I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
