I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
