I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
my phone needs a breathalizer
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
