Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
