He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
