I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
