just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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