Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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