the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
