Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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