Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Randomize
