I am midnight drunk by noon
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
We're too hungover to prance.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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