Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
