I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Randomize
