I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
