ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i need an iv and a liver transplant
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
