My room smells like vodka and shame
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
