Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
