Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
