You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
