Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
