So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
