I like my sex mixed with concussions.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
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I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
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Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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