Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
