I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
