nut hugger
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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