When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
