are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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