you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
