non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
