seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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