There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
