I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
