So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
