We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
