i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
