"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
